the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
