Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
