I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
