You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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