yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
