Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
