you guys were way drunker than both of me
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
