dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
