Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
