im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
