How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
