Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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