my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize