My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
