Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I will pee on everything he values.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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