wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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