I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
