idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
