I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
