I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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