no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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