Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
