i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
we made out on top of his cat.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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