just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
