so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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