Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
