So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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