btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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