She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize