life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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