WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
