who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
