I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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