I'm so fucking centered right now
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
