another moral hangover. fuck.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
