my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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