Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
