i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
