if i died would you start the facebook group?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
