Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize