so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
