The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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