If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
