ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
