Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize