Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
