I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
