we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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