Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
