waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
