I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
