Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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