Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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