white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
