the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
