I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Can I color on your dick again?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
