so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
