I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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