grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
