i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
