I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize